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Can you do himself or Papers for Sale. I am very happy.

A literary to-do-list:

Story Premise: In the manly world of sports entertainment, a popular professional wrestler has an erection during a match and is booed out of the arena.
Story Premise: In a typical suburban home, a housewife watches her husband mindlessly watch football as she savagely cuts up a piece of meat.
Scene: In a decorated highschool gym, a teenaged boy in a tuxedo walks across a crowded dancefloor and asks a beautiful girl to dance -- she says, "Yes" and he says, "Go dance then you stupid bitch."
Scene: Man accidentally burns himself with a marijuana joint and almost spills his beer in surprise. He then thinks to himself that this is indicative of the day being an unlucky one, seeing as how it is only nine in the morning.
Title: The Day I Turned into a Zebra (an account of a young man's experiments with psilocybin mushrooms)
Premise: In a church, a boy tearfully and passionately asks God to bring back his beloved yet deceased grandfather -- God answers, "NO."
Title: Breaking Up is Hard to Do (a horrifying account of a murderer/woodchipper owner)
Phrase: "Using charm skills learned from my slutty sister, I won all their hearts."
Picture: Incorporate this image into a story...any story