Dreams of Fish
Fragments
The Seven Deadly Social Sins
My Enemy
San Francisco, Strippers, and Satan
New Town
Interviews with the People in My Neighborhood
First Dateh
Reunion
Tasty Recipes
Job Search, Pt. 1
Republic, Pt. 2
Scientology
The Girl Who Works at Tower Records on Thursday Afternoons
Meat Market
Fun Pranks
My Best Friend is My Dentist
Tips For Scoring With the Ladies...
A ten-minute story only half-based on truth
Lynn and I sat at a booth facing each other. I drank a beer and she had some sort of mixed drink. We kept talking and we kept ordering drinks. Soon, only she was talking and only I was ordering drinks. She was talking about her career, some boyfriend from college, and the new car she bought. I drank whiskey, a couple of vodka-sevens, and a shot of something very strong. After that, I didn’t know what I was drinking. She kept talking about her car. I didn’t understand her. I could see her face and hear the words coming out of her mouth, but they didn’t have any meaning at all. They were just empty sounds, the noise made by running faucet or an air conditioner. She kept talking. Was I the only crazy one? I kept looking at her and listening. I still couldn’t hear anything. I had more drinks and I couldn’t taste them. I looked closely and couldn’t see anything. After a while, I excused myself and said that I was going to the restroom. I was lying. Instead, I walked out the back door to my car. I vomited on the asphalt, unlocked my car, started it up, and began driving. I lit up a cigarette and kicked the gas pedal. How could she expect a ride home if she insisted on scaring me by making that horrible noise? Besides, it was only about twenty miles to her home; she could find a cab.
I drove as quickly as I could even though I wasn’t going anywhere. It didn’t really matter because it was a beautiful night. There were bright lights all around and people were walking in the streets and laughing. Of course I didn’t see them. I was speeding through the alleys and side streets. All I could see was the moon and the stars and the dark, mysterious walls of unknown buildings and then the streetlamp that I suddenly crashed my car into. My cheek hurt. The airbag had inflated and the cigarette I was smoking had crushed against my face, burning it. My eyes were both sore and I tried to look out the windshield but it was broken. The glass was a dense white spider web.
I stepped out of the car, vomited, and looked around. The streetlamp was planted into the front of the car. Steam came out from under the hood and fluid leaked out into the street. There were flashing lights behind me.
“Are you okay?” The policeman asked.
“Yeah.”
He looked at me, shining the flashlight into my eyes.
“How much did you have to drink?”
I thought of the beer and the whisky and my stomach turned.
“I don’t know.” I answered.
He made me walk the line, count with my fingers, touch my nose, and play a couple other games before he told me I was under arrest. I tried to pay attention to what was happening but couldn’t. There was a nurse with a syringe, a concrete room, and a ride in a van. There was probably more, but I couldn’t pay enough attention to remember it. I was still distracted by Lynn’s voice.
After I was finally booked and processed, I was placed in a holding cell. Everyone else looked distracted and confused, too. No one talked to each other. It was nice in a way. Maybe if I were quiet enough, I thought, I could stay here and wait things out. I wouldn’t have to go to work. I wouldn’t have to talk to Lynn again and explain everything. It would be perfect.
I laid down on one of the metal benches and closed my eyes. I imagined myself standing barefoot on a lawn. The grass was stiff and tickled my feet. The air was hot and a sprinkler was in front of me, spraying me with cold water as I laughed and ran to avoid it.
My father was a tough son of a bitch. When I would hear children …